consent and boundaries

Premature Ejaculator? Try edging! I’ve gotten into some conversations lately with heterosexuals and How do I not prematurely ejaculate? has come up a lot.

I never really thought about this how because from a young age I used the when you get close to cumming and it’s too early, use the grandma visualization. Grandma meaning: someone/something I don’t want to have sex with. Pick a different word if you want to boink your nana.

This kinda got me over the hump and I never had problems but recently I filmed a scene with a tantra teacher who gave me a crash course in edging. Edging is a masturbation practice where a scale of 1-10 is used. 10 means I’m going to blow no matter what. 9 is I’m going to blow if the status quo remains. 8 is I can sense myself getting close. 1 is I’m not really horny.

This tantra teacher ejaculated multiple times in the span of 90 minutes (5 or so?). He also had a few orgasms where he didn’t ejaculate. He said it was the result of edging training. Those further heights stimulated my interest.

Key points:
1. Jerk off as much as you want.
2. Decide whether you’re going to shoot before you start.
3. Imagine the possibility that all the energy generated somehow stores in your sexiness when you don’t cum (the teacher edges to get ready for things like social events or even sex.)
4. Get as close to 9.5 as you can get without shooting.
5. The practice of building it up is equally important to the practice of not hitting 10.

I spent about a week on it and it was really clicking and enjoyable, porn or no porn.

Then I had the idea of trying it during sex instead of masturbation.

Key point:

I told my boyfriend.

I told him because he REALLY likes when I cum inside of him and our healthy codependency on that was it was a sign of connection for me to nut in him.

I said, I’m practicing this thing. I hope you like it. You can support me in it by staying completely still when I say, hold still.

If he wiggles or flexes his anal muscles it can take my 9 to 10.

The first time we did it, as I got to 9, my cock was kinda dry heaving but not shooting, maybe just a drop or two came out AND he actually thought the sensation of my cock pulsating inside him was hotter. Now I probably hit 9.5 a few times each session. We still always finish with a 10 but because of all the cardio that last build up is crazy vigorous so he gets a really intense ride out of it.

I think straight guys who tell their ladies they’re trying this are in for a treat. Sex has co-vulnerabilities. For the receiver, at least when I’m receiving, I want to be simultaneously objectified and subjectified. I want to be a hot person who’s loved. For the penetrator, at least for me, if I’m not high enough on the scale, say 5 or 6, I’ll lose my erection. If I go too high too fast I’ll blow my load too soon.

It seems REALLY hard to hold these vulnerabilities in consciousness. I think edging while fucking addresses all these issues in a very collaborative and fun way.

The first time I described it to a couple and asked the woman if she was ok if he tried it, she responded with a sly joy and said, Sounds fun to me. <3

Happy fucking!